The last couple of weeks have been incredibly tough for me. If you read my last blog, you know how low I had gotten and how determined I am to pick myself up. With the new year upon us, I'm finally feeling refreshed and rejuvenated and I am ready to get back to brass tacks. I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for, but I'm finally recognizing that strength within me and using it to its full advantage.
Being my first day off in this brand new year, I have been setting goals and making plans all damn day. Most goals have been easy to set. For example, I weighed myself for the first time in years... THAT was a mistake!! I was not happy with the results, but it made it easier for me to set my fitness goals, and set them I have. So- one category in my list of goals- CHECK. Awesome. Now. Finances? Easy. I love me some math, so I figured out my monthly income and then my bills, jotted down the difference and made a savings goal. Done. Great. Next!! Creative goals. Well, I'm already accomplishing one of them with the writing of this post! So yay! I also want to get back to writing music regularly again. My poor little guitar has been gathering dust in the corner of my room, and I aim to dramatically change that. So, music and writing goals: SET!
Then the anxiety kicked in... the big boys. The long-term goals regarding my schooling and my pending move to Spain. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this whole plan the last couple of months, and one thing remains clear: I am not ready to leave in September. At first, I was really disappointed with this realization and decision, but it's incredibly important to me that I base these decisions on what I feel in my gut, and what is right for me, not anyone else. I have only told a select few people about this sudden awareness that I'm simply not ready for that big of a step, mostly because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I made it a point to tell my family, then post the announcement on Facebook, and I wasn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of receiving judgment and lectures on "giving up" or "letting myself down". In the long run, though, I'm the only one who has to live with my decisions and frankly, Spain's not going anywhere!! I have made my peace with this and I am moving forward no matter what. So, the big question remains: What's next?
Well, to be honest, I have NO FUCKING CLUE. And that freaks me the hell out. I know I want to leave San Francisco this year. What's more, I know I want to potentially leave the country. Actually, I do want to leave the country, I'm just not sure where I want to go anymore. I want to continue my schooling and pursue teaching ESL students, I'm just not sure how I want to enact that plan. So, it's time to do some heavy thinking. One thing is for sure: As scary as it is to be in this frame of mind right now, having endless possibilities in front of me is not just daunting, it's exciting. It's a bittersweet feeling, because I'm terrified but also feeling powerful as any decision I make is totally in my control. I am the only one with the power to shape my future, and with my skillset and personality I just KNOW I will build an amazing one. So I'm staying positive, as always, and working harder than ever to take full advantage of this once in a lifetime life... we only get one, and I aim to make it the best one imaginable.
So, Happy New Year everyone!!! May your dreams be your reality. <3
No comments:
Post a Comment