Broken & Beaten, But Not Defeated

I thought I had hit rock bottom. I thought I had reached my lowest point and was on the inevitable uphill that comes with falling as low as you possibly can. I thought I had nowhere to go but up. 

I was wrong. 

I fell further. 

As I sit here now, home early from work after a talk with my lovingly concerned employers that led to a much needed "me" day, I'm forced to face the fact I have tried to mask for so long now... 

I am depressed. 

So much more than I wanted to accept. 

I am broken and tattered and falling faster, as I barely cling to the life I've worked so hard to achieve... and while depression has been a battle I have fought my entire life, and with great force, I have reached a point where it's time to take this seriously and seek help. And I am not ONE BIT ashamed to say that I need help. This isn't a game; this is real life. Needing help in any form is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed by... sometimes we just need outside sources and perspectives to guide us through our daily lives and emotions. We are all in this together, and while we strive to be independent and self-sufficient, sometimes it's okay to admit that we simply cannot do this alone. Well, I am at that point... so it's time to quit screwing around and take some action. 

I could list all of the reasons why I feel so low, but it doesn't matter. We all have our burdens... our demons... our weaknesses. We all have those plaguing concerns that fill our heads with negativity and nonsense. I have allowed so much... TOO much... negativity into my life lately, and allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and self-loathing and sink deeper and deeper into a hole that only grows more difficult out of which to climb. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to give up, knowing how much stronger I am than these obstacles. I have forgotten everything about myself that makes myself so amazing. I have continually dismissed what makes me unique and special in this world, convincing myself that I just don't deserve more than this. But I do. Ohhh, I so do. 

So while today has been a rough day for me, in recognizing how far I have fallen from where I need to be, I'm taking advantage of the day and refocusing my sights on what really matters: ME. I will not be so easily broken by life's struggles and downfalls. I have too much to offer this world, and the only way to successfully spread such beauty is to strengthen myself and my worth. I am far better than I envision myself. I am more than my downfalls. I am more than my weaknesses. I am so much more than I have allowed myself to be. I may be currently broken and beaten, but I will NEVER be defeated. I deserve to be better, and the world deserves to experience my best. Happiness is a choice, and today, I choose better. I choose to see the light at the end of the tunnel and RUN. My ambition and drive are far too strong to allow myself to give up. The time is now. The focus is me. The goal is life. 

So let's live it.