Made To Be Broken

I'm feeling... weird. 
Silly. 
Foolish. 

I have had many ups and downs this year, and sadly, the downs have been quite traumatic for me. I have tried to handle everything to the best of my abilities, but I don't always have the right answers, or make the right moves. I certainly don't always follow the "rules". 

Who the hell made these rules?!

Rules for ourselves; rules for relationships; rules for society; rules for beliefs; rules for life... the more I write the word 'rules', the less it looks like a real word! 

So let's say screw the rules! 

So often, I hear people talk about how we're "supposed" to act, or "supposed" to feel. "Oh, you're not supposed to do that! Aren't you embarrassed?? What will people think? People don't do that... That's weird. That's not normal." Blah, blah, blah...

Since when did anyone else dictate my life other than myself? 
And what the heck is normal anyways??

I can be a lot of things: emotional, passionate, analytical, thoughtful, impatient, easygoing, creative, self-destructive, stubborn, strong... but "normal" has never been a word with which I have associated. I'm just me; and honestly, if you don't like that, bugger off. I have more important things to worry about. 

Where is all of this coming from, Shaneil?!

I don't know. I guess I've been hearing about these "rules" a lot lately, and it has me overthinking everything. And that bothers me. I am embarking on a whole new journey in life, and all I really want is to be happy. Today, for one insignificant reason or another, I'm not happy. I feel confused. I feel alone. Lonely... like no one really gets me. I suppose we all feel this way throughout our lives. I know I'll snap out of it, and I know I'll be fine. MORE than fine. I'm a fighter; a survivor. These insecure feelings will once again be vanquished. I will find my inner strength and keep fighting the good battle. I'm stronger than this. I'm better than this.

Rules are made to be broken. 
I, however, am NOT.