Today has already been an awful, awful day...
So what better time to write? It has, after all, been MONTHS. *sigh*
I woke up this morning to discover a familiar feeling: heartbreak. And as the stress and the pain of the last several months consumed me, I had a literal breakdown. I lost it. I lost my hope, my drive, my desire to do anything... I was engulfed in sadness and depression and cried my little eyes out. I ran through a laundry list of emotions as I melted into the floor, and finally, with a deep breath, picked myself back up again. I was not to be destroyed. This is not the end of my world. It's just another lesson... one I have yet to learn from.
I knew this moment was coming. I just knew. I was talking about it to a coworker the other day, and she kept reminding me to know my worth. As I drowned in my heartache this morning, I heard her words and realized I did not know my worth. In fact, I felt worthless. I felt like no one was ever going to see my worth and find me worth fighting for. I felt like giving up. In fact, I had. In that moment, I had given up. Suddenly I realized... no one was going to know my worth if I don't. How can I expect someone to see something in me that I can't even see myself? That's when it all came to an abrupt stop. I took a shower, dried my eyes, and carried on. It's what I always try to do, but more than ever now, it's what I have to do.
Life is full of ups and downs, and I have always struggled to deal with the downs. I fall hard, in every sense, but I get back up. When I feel a loss or pain of any sort, it always feels like the end of the world... yet it never is. Today is a day of a thousand emotions, but one fact remains: I deserve better. I deserve better from other people, but especially from myself. I deserve to fight for myself, rather than rely on others to do so. So I'm fighting. I'm changing and growing and continuing to love because that's what I really believe in: love. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let these blips of heartbreak in my life take that away from me.
So.
Life may have thought I deserved a broken heart one more time before the end of the year, but I have news for life: I'm not so easily broken. So BRING IT ON 2016!!!
